I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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