god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I want a musical about memes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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