I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
