I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
