you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
