had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
