listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
