things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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