Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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