I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
