fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
