I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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