why do cheetos always look like penises
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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