Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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