dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
