It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
