I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
