dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
