Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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