Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
