i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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