mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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