At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
