i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
