I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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