Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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