that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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