Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
