I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
