I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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