You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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