Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
