i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
