You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My vagina is officially offended.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
