either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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