haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
how drunk are you?
Several
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
