There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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