you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
