I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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