i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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