there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
