I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
