I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
