you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
