Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
