Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
