I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
