I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
