and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
