I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its not stalking. its research.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
