Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
